You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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