hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
