just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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