i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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