small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
