my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
no you cant smoke seaweed
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize