Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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