Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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