how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
