Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize