sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
