My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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