She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
