You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
