And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
