just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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