im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
