Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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