it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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