remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
