i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
