My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
