I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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