I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
