Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Send help, water and tortillas.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
