fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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