apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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