I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
