How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
