is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
