Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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