nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
