Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
