How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
