Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
