just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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