So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
