i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
