Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
