I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
