remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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