I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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