I love black thongs
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
