i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
