Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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