Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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