i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
