What did we do last night that was yellow?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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