Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
