Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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