You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
