How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
