i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
