fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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