I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
