Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
