i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
