I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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