i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
