I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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