I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
