Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
