3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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