Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Be still, my beating vagina.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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