My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
