i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Everclear isn't food dammit
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
